I've decided I would like to start writing in here again, but instead of focusing on the day-to-day catalog of my life events, I've decided I would much rather focus on feelings and hopes and dreams for the future and most importantly, the good things that are going on in my life. Too often I focus on the negative things, the things that suck, the things that hurt and sting and things that make every day life hard. But when I actually stop myself and reflect on where I am, how far I've come, the things I'm lucky to have and the things I'm lucky to be lacking in, I find myself a much happier person. So that is now the focus of this journal.

hello im apathy (9:54:31 PM): i have come a looooooong way since we first met
hello im apathy (9:54:35 PM): come to think of it
kidEVA1 (9:55:18 PM): i wanna hear your realization about how you've come a long way : D
hello im apathy (9:55:35 PM): oh...well
kidEVA1 (9:55:50 PM): i'll try and fill in if you forget anything : )
hello im apathy (9:59:39 PM): pretty much in every way possible. when you met me i was freshly 18, i was smoking and self-injuring, i had an eating disorder, and the only reason why i was working was because i wanted money to fuel my interests like going to concerts, going to L.A., etc. i had no idea who i was, where i was going, what i wanted, etc. but now i don't smoke anymore, i don't self-injure, i don't have an eating disorder, i go to therapy, i go to school because i WANT to go to school, because i want a future. i work to support myself along with my superfluous interests. i still don't know what i want, but i think i have a better idea of who i am and where i'm going. i dunno, i'm just so much healthier and happier. i'm not miserable every second of the day. and i'm sure i've come a long way in many other, much more subtle ways like being able to trust people and opening up, etc. i've learned a lot of new skills and met a lot of new people. i dunno, these past two years have probably been the most healthy and productive of my entire life. i'm kinda proud of myself
hello im apathy (10:02:53 PM): of course, these past two years have also been really, really hard in a lot of ways, but i feel good about them. i feel like all the trouble was worth it, all the tears i cried meant something, you know? i am happy i went through all of that or i wouldn't be where i am today. and a lot of it came from inside me, but i know i wouldn't have been able to do it without certain people (read: kelly :P). when i look back a few years, it puts today's problems into perspective for me